I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
