oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
