I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
