I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
