another moral hangover. fuck.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
