dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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