Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
