after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
