Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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