im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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