when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
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