doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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