I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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