Need sex. Gaining weight.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
