Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
