dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize