threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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