Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
