yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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