I will die if light touches me.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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