Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Even my vagina gasped.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
