How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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