you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I don't deserve a penis
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
