people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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