I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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