Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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