we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
