this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
