maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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