well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
