Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
