My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
what day is it and did you see me today?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize