i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We got so high we made milksteak
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
