We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize