her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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