Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
