I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
