my phone needs a breathalizer
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
