So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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