The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
