She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So many bounce houses so little time
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Randomize
