The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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