I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Operation Purity has been aborted
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
