So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
