So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Please don't give away my fajitas
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
