ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
