i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
