So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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