she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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