My hair reeks of homosexuality.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize