im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
