yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
