It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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