At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
