you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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