I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
