I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
