Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
