I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
