Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
