Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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