I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm both gender and math confused
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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