"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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