its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
