We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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