It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
