i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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