To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
