I'm eating all of the evidence.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
