He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize