I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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