I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
