I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
