they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Found your dick twin last night
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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