Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she peed on how many people?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
