Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
