HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
false alarm, still single
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