My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
