How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
