She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
