she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I currently don't understand fingers.
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