How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
