You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
