I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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