i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
