I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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