then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
