So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
