just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
