i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
