You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
There are leaves in my underwear?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
