fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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