is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
