we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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