did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
