She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I am available for nakedness
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
