the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
