Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
splinters make it hard to masturbate
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
