My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
