If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize