your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
