Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I don't deserve a penis
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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