Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
