I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
