so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
