hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I can't turn off my feet"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
