I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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