Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
